I'm just a writer who needs a place to vent, lest my head explode and confetti come out. I'd explain myself a little more, but I have no delusions that any of you are actually reading this. I could say anything I wanted here. Like, I'm a 5,000 year old purple monkey from the planet Zybon, come to steal all your goat cheese and cheerleaders. How d'ya like that, huh? You don't, because no one makes it this far down a bio page. I should post some erotica here or something. The best inside jokes are the ones only you know anyway. I could get a little tiny picture of Fabio and post it here, shrunk down to near microscopic proportion, and write a big long story about a pirate. And none of you would ever know. Behold the power of gelatin, in which all the stars and planets are so many suspended pineapple chunks! I'm bored, I'm gonna go throw chocolates at models on fashion avenue.
It's amazing the kinds of things one will write while bored...
1. I've been kissed by Tori Amos (on the cheek, but it counts).
2. I've performed stand-up comedy for packed houses around the country, opening for fairly big names in the comedy world and occasionally headlining a show or two of my own. I was also recently invited to perform at this year's Montreal Comedy Festival.
3. I've had lunch with the guy responsible for bringing Harry Potter to the United States.
4. I've had writing published in three different countries (America, England, Canada).
5. I've been mentioned by name in a magazine with a readership of close to a million people (Time-Out New York) as an author to look for in the future.
6. I've been dead before, for 7 seconds to be precise. But hey, that's 7 seconds more than most people still moving about today.
7. I've won over $1,000 (cumulative) in No-Limit Texas Hold 'em tournaments, including making it to three final tables and winning an invite to a World Poker Tour satellite qualifier.
8. I have encountered a lone adolescent wolf in the wild and not only lived to tell about it, but managed to get within a foot of it and touch its fur before it ran off.
9. I have gone swimming with wild dolphins, who were very friendly and enjoyed splashing about with me.
10. I have been thrown out of a palm reader's house in New Orleans after she looked at my hand and began screaming incoherent things in a language I couldn't quite identify, though it seemed like an odd mixture between Haitian and Creole.